The News Not Noise Letter: Are We Living in a Simulation?
On brain worms, solar flares, mathematical marvels, and other headlines we wouldn’t have believed 10 years ago.
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This has been a strange week in the news. My most serious, skeptical friends and colleagues are forwarding me articles asking: “Hey is this headline real?” Among the queries: Two broods of cicadas have arrived in parks and backyards, some infected with a “zombie” fungus; Nikki Haley won more than 20% of Indiana’s Republican primary votes despite dropping out of the race months ago; Sen. Katie Britt, known for her TradWife State of the Union response, is doubling down on the brand, introducing a bill that could kinda maybe start a database of pregnant people in the US; and in another on-brand move, Boeing had to again delay the launch of its manned spacecraft after a part malfunctioned. Those are all true, but we don’t have time to break them down because there are other, weirder stories to prioritize. This week I asked the Instagram audience, “Who thinks we are living in a simulation?” More than 90% of respondents think we are. I share this not to upset you but to reassure you – you’re not spinning out, the world is. (Hope that makes you feel better… we’re all in this together!)
Here are your headlines:
It Wasn’t Just the Worm: By now you’ve probably heard that presidential candidate RFK Jr. says that doctors found a dead worm in his brain in 2010. Kennedy reportedly revealed this in a 2012 divorce deposition. In the same deposition he said the worm “got into my brain and ate a portion of it and then died.” And there’s more. He also claimed he had mercury poisoning, likely from eating too much fish, and his blood contained 10 times the EPA’s guideline for safe levels. Yikes. He reportedly testified, “I have cognitive problems, clearly. I have short-term memory loss, and I have longer-term memory loss that affects me.” This was all in an effort to deny his ex-wife alimony payments; he argued that between the brain worm and the mercury poisoning, he was too cognitively impaired to earn enough to pay her. If you think that any of this is disqualifying, his campaign says no, he’s fully recovered and is healthy enough to be president. On cue, Kennedy tweeted, “I offer to eat 5 more brain worms and still beat President Trump and President Biden in a debate. I feel confident of the result even with a six-worm handicap.” Cool, cool.
Kristi Noem Digs In: South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem might want to get a gravel pit ready for her political career – or at least her stint as a memoirist. The VP hopeful’s new political memoir, aptly titled No Going Back, doesn’t just tell the true story of shooting her family’s puppy and goat. The book also contains an entirely fabricated account of a meeting with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. After she was called out for the false story, Noem said she asked her publishers to remove it from the book, which makes us wonder how an error that glaring made it past not only the publishers but Noem herself considering she recorded the audiobook. Now, Nikki Haley’s team is also disputing Noem’s account of a phone call between the two, which Noem described as “threaten[ing].” We think it’s important to stress – no one asked Noem to share any of this. She volunteered it all in this book, ostensibly to boost her chances of being picked as Trump’s running mate. She seems to have shot herself in the foot – maybe after shooting the dog and goat? Here’s a potential silver lining for Noem: we’d watch the hell out of this biopic.
Trump’s Trials: Welcome to 2024, when the four criminal cases against the former president/current presidential frontrunner are only interesting enough to be the third news item today.
Delay, Delay, Delay: This week Trump’s delay tactics paid off in two trials: Aileen Cannon, the judge in the classified documents case postponed that trial indefinitely, meaning it likely won’t happen before the election (and if Trump wins, possibly at all). And a Georgia appeals court decided to re-consider whether DA Fani Willis should remain on the prosecution team against Trump; so the Georgia election interference case is also on the slow track. Reminder: the federal Jan. 6 case is also on hold, pending a SCOTUS ruling on whether Trump can even be prosecuted for actions he took in office.
Stormy Testimony: With the other three criminal cases looking less and less likely to play out before the election, all eyes are on the NY criminal fraud case. This week, jurors heard salacious testimony from Stormy Daniels, centered on revealing details about her alleged sexual encounter with Trump. They were so sordid and unrelated to the payments at the heart of the trial that Trump’s attorney asked for a mistrial – and was denied. Analysts explain the prosecution’s strategy was to provide many embarrassing details to persuade the jury that Trump, who is seemingly immune to shame, would be embarrassed enough to want Daniels silenced. On the other hand, Trump’s attorneys could argue the testimony was too prejudicial and should be overturned on appeal. The prosecution has only one major witness left to call, Michael Cohen, and may rest its case as early as next week.
Solar Storm: NOAA issued a rare “severe geomagnetic storm watch” for this weekend as a major solar storm may disrupt communications and power grids – and possibly bring the Northern Lights as far south as Alabama. This isn’t cause for panic, this sort of thing happens every so often. But if you’re driving somewhere you aren’t familiar with, it might be a good idea to bring a paper map as a backup.
Israel/Gaza Updates: The Biden administration released a report on Israel’s execution of the war in Gaza, finding “reasonable” evidence Israel likely violated international law in their use of US weapons. But because they couldn’t link individual weapons to specific impacts, the report was inconclusive and the US government can continue supplying weapons at its discretion. Congressional Democrats requested this assessment, which also requires an analysis of the use of US-supplied weapons in Iraq, Ukraine, Somalia, Nigeria, Colombia and Kenya. Here’s more on what’s happening on the ground:
Israel continues small-scale operations in Rafah as troops mass near the border in preparation for a possible ground offensive. President Biden has threatened to halt the delivery of offensive weapons if Israel launches that Rafah operation at scale, though Israel says it can go it alone.
Tens of thousands of Palestinians continue to evacuate Rafah, and international aid organizations warn that a Rafah operation would “cripple” their ability to deliver aid to Southern Gaza.
Ceasefire negotiations concluded without a deal this week. The proposals accepted by Israel and Hamas are still very far apart. As an example, here’s one major discrepancy: Israel asked for the release of 33 living hostages, including women, old men, and sick and injured hostages. Hamas said it would release 33 hostages – but not all alive.
Finally with commencements this weekend, expect more protest news from universities.
Mother’s Day: It’s this weekend. To all the moms, we wish you a very happy Mother’s Day. To everyone else, here’s your reminder to take time to share some gratitude with your mom or whoever fills the role offering you nurturing, wisdom and support.
Poll
On our subscriber Zoom last night we talked about news anxiety, and some of you shared your strategies for managing it. One strategy that was new to us – since the Trump trial isn’t in session on Wednesdays, one NNN’r says he turns off the TV Wednesdays and listens to music instead. We love that, and we’d love more of your tips. We’ll share them back with the community.
Here’s some news that doesn’t suck:
